Turning 20 is a significant milestone, and I’ve always dreamed of living in NYC in my twenties, embracing the city life, and working in media, beauty, or fashion. I’m thrilled to be doing exactly that, interning at Estée Lauder. For my birthday on July 11th, my boyfriend came from Virginia to ensure it was a weekend trip I’d never forget, securing us a place in New Jersey so we could enjoy both New York and New Jersey. He planned an adventurous weekend filled with surprises, love, and excitement.

Waterways

We kicked off our trip by taking the ferry to explore the iconic New York City skyline, followed by a hopeful kayaking adventure on the Hudson River. Before coming to New York, I didn’t realize the state is made up of multiple islands, giving us countless opportunities to explore different towns, beaches, and waterfronts.

Art and Nature

About a year ago, I joined a fashion and tech group that hosts events in NYC. They recently held an event at the MET Museum, screening the new “Sleeping Beauties” fashion and tech exhibit. Unfortunately, the waitlist was over two hours long, so I couldn’t get in. Determined to see it, my boyfriend got us tickets to the MET. Even though we faced another waitlist, we managed to explore several other galleries before closing. Each exhibit sparked conversations, making us feel more connected and deepening our relationship, which was especially meaningful after months of long distance.

From the elegance of the MET, we moved to Central Park. The park was buzzing with summer energy, and the New York heat made for a hell of a stride.

Thrills and Excitement

No birthday is complete without a bit of thrill, and my boyfriend knew just where to take me. We spent the afternoon at an amusement park, one of my favorite places. We rode roller coasters, indulged in funnel cake (a childhood favorite), and I got to fly in the air (literally).

Shopping and Foodie Galore

Times Square was next, with its crowds, street performers, and dazzling advertisements. We visited the largest Forever 21 I’ve ever seen and the Disney Store. i left Times Square with a new dress and some jewelry ready to wear for back-to-college season.

Then we found Anita Gelato, just a five-minute walk from Times Square. The line was out the door, and for good reason. My boyfriend, a self-proclaimed gelato critic, was eager to try it. Inside, we were greeted by a luxurious ambiance and the best gelato I’ve ever had. I chose salted caramel while he opted for chocolate pistachio.

Another foodie highlight was Cellar 335, an underground restaurant in Jersey City. The cozy, eclectic ambiance and food made for a perfect evening. We savored our steak and soup and toasted to my birthday, making the first night of my birthday weekend one for the books.

With my family and some friends unable to visit, it made me realize the importance of cherishing the people who show you love, especially in ways that resonate deeply with you. Living in New York, it’s easy to take these experiences for granted. But my birthday reminded me to appreciate every moment and the people who make them special. Each adventure, from the waterfronts to the museums, was a reminder of how lucky I am to have someone who cares so much about making me happy.

To my readers and everyone who made my 20th birthday so unforgettable, thank you. Your love and effort are the greatest gifts I could ever ask for. Here’s to more fun, laughter, and love-filled adventures in the years to come!

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I’ve taken breaks from Living By Bella, and while I dislike inconsistency, it’s what I’ve been giving you. After months of rest from this newsletter, I’m here with a renewed commitment.

Revival, Renewal, Revelation

These words capture the essence of how I feel whenever something new awakens in me: a passion, a love, a friendship, a loss, anything. My passion for Living By Bella has always remained true but has wavered at times. Recently, I watched an interview where the interviewee said, “I feel like a fraud because I haven’t reached as many people as I’m supposed to.” This perfectly summed up my feelings. Despite having over 2,000 subscribers, I feel that Living By Bella hasn’t reached its full potential. I turned my passion into a business and regretted it because, at its heart, this wasn’t a business; it was a form of self-expression and connection.

I am so thankful for every reader and supporter. I don’t want to make any false promises or announce another relaunch. I just want to be honest. I will always write and keep this website running. If I’m not writing an article, someone else will. I will continue this newsletter, or “mini-magazine,” because I receive so many awesome responses from you all, saying that it’s helpful, nice to read, or a pleasant weekly reminder. So, I want to apologize again and make sure you all know I’m here to stay, even if I’m not always at the forefront.

Career

This past year has been a whirlwind of growth and discovery. As an intern at Estée Lauder, I’ve been diving deep into the world of data science, a field I’ve grown increasingly passionate about. My role involves working on various tech projects that not only challenge my skills but also allow me to innovate. It’s a thrilling experience to be part of such a dynamic industry.

Living in New York has been a dream come true, filled with both challenges and triumphs. The decision to move here, live with a stranger, and chase my career goals was daunting, yet exhilarating. My days are a blend of work, networking, and exploring the city’s vibrant culture. Balancing my tech aspirations with my love for writing has been an ongoing journey. Changing my minor to journalism was a decision fueled by my enduring love for storytelling. I believe that we don’t have to limit ourselves to one path. Embracing all our passions can lead to a more fulfilling life. The future of work is multifaceted, and I’m excited to be at the forefront of this shift.

Social

The social aspect of my life has seen some of the most profound changes. Navigating the end of significant friendships and the loss of family members has been a period of intense emotional growth. These experiences have reshaped my approach to relationships. In New York, I’ve had the opportunity to meet new people and build a network that aligns with my values and aspirations.

My current relationship has been a source of joy and stability. My boyfriend’s visit for my birthday was a highlight, filled with memorable experiences that strengthened our bond. From enjoying the city’s culinary delights to exploring its cultural landmarks, we created wonderful memories together. This period has taught me the importance of aligning my social connections with my inner values. It’s a reminder that true connections come from a place of mutual respect and understanding.

Spiritual Life

Spiritually, I’ve embarked on a journey of deeper understanding and connection. My exploration of philosophy and my relationship with God have provided me with a sense of peace and clarity. Viewing God as the source of inner wisdom has transformed my approach to life’s challenges. This spiritual growth has been a cornerstone of my personal development, offering a foundation of strength and serenity. If you’re interested in learning more about my research, philosophy, or beliefs, email me here with the title “Article Recommendation.” I’m excited to hear your ideas!

Final Thoughts

Thank you for allowing me to share my journey with you. Your support means the world to me. I’m committed to maintaining the integrity and passion of Living By Bella, and I’m excited to continue this journey with all of you. I missed you, and I thank you.

Love, Bella

Sometimes we get so caught up change we lose awareness of what’s going on. We no longer become aware of our feelings, how our actions affect others, or what’s truly going on behind the scenes. We focus so much on the solution – “What am I going to do now that the meeting is cancelled? How am I going to get to work if my car won’t start?” – that sometimes we forget to provide care for ourselves in the moments in between. Instead we judge ourselves, telling ourselves that we shouldn’t be upset, or that this is just a part of life – a way to ignore our emotions and behave like it’s unnatural to have them.

Personally, I’ve experienced various changes this past week, and got so caught up in the situations, the consequences, and how to fix the problem, that I lacked the awareness to conceptualize that maybe all of these changes are linked.

Maybe there’s a reason I’ve been put in more out-of-my-comfort-zone situations lately. I’ve had to put in more volunteer and club hours than time on my personal hobbies or goals. I’ve also gotten my hours at work cut in half, giving me more days out of the week to be free than I’d like – but maybe both changes are a signal to me to focus on other aspects of my life.

We all know change doesn’t feel good. We’re told over and over again it’s supposed to bring you new knowledge and that all change is good in the end. But the truth is, change is a process. It’s a definite part of our universal system. Take out the words “good” and “bad”, and now you just have a part of life – change – that you don’t have to conceptualize or judge. You don’t have to see it as positive or negative, you just see it as what it is.

So although I just stated that maybe these new personal, mental, and even physical changes are happening to me, all in the quick span of a week, for some unbeknownst reason, maybe there’s truly no reason at all. Maybe this is just a part of the universal system, a system of ups, downs, and turnarounds.

So I encourage you, when you’re undergoing a series of changes (even small ones), to become aware. Are they all happening in a certain time frame? Do they all have a common denominator? Are they all school related? Health related? Or, maybe you’ll have a week like me, where your job, career goals, social life, financial security, and everything in between, changes and shifts seemingly out of nowhere.

But it’s not a bad thing, nor is it necessarily a good thing. It’s all a part of a larger cycle. So please, please, find the joy in the next week’s small daily activities. Try something new. Do something you love. And most importantly, take care of yourself in this new season of changes.

Love, Bella

Loving Yourself:

“How can you love yourself if love is selfless?”, I used to wonder. Coming out of my depression, I began leaning into my identity, self worth, and this idea of self love. Love was always a connection between two beings, rather than a singular element or feeling. Loving yourself was a foreign idea. Maybe one that couldn’t even be attained.

“You can’t love others until you love yourself.” Such a statement couldn’t be anymore untrue.

Love isn’t mutually exclusive, and it’s not conditional. Boundaries are conditional, which are created so we know whether we are safe to practice love. If you could only love another if you loved yourself, then connections wouldn’t truly be authentic, although it would be easier to recognize when one is.

As I regained my confidence a few years ago, still dabbling in the idea of what it truly means to love yourself, I asked, “How do I know if I love myself?” Is there a sudden change in behavior? Do people treat you differently because you see yourself differently? Do you get the feeling that you just know? Questions arose not only out of curiosity, but out of need. I needed to feel loved. And although I’ve loved others, how dare could I love myself?

During this time the Body Positivity Movement arose, and there were countless self-love campaigns expressed in the marketing of every beauty company and magazine. Stores began removing images of photoshopped models and replaced them with the reclaiming pictures of diverse models. It was refreshing, but it was also a reminder that I needed to love myself.

It felt like an obligation, not a choice.

Unknowingly, I started practicing forms of self-love. I ate healthier, because I wanted my body to feel better and live longer. I started reading again, because it was what I wanted to do. I stopped being so hard on my self, and for some reason, began celebrating my small wins rather than simply glorifying the big ones. I was nicer to myself, because we all have rough days. And I took my medicine when I was sick, rather than letting myself remain in pain as a form of self harm. I then stopped asking myself how to know if I loved myself, because I did.

“Treat yourself like your own best friend”, was a quote that I admired, and I remembered it at times when I felt I was my own enemy. My enemy would want me to pursue my bad habits, dramatize my failures, and develop any anger or sadness without understanding it’s cause. As Gucci Mane once said, “I’m my best friend, and I’m my worst enemy. No one else can hurt me unless I let them, you feel me?” Yes Gucci, but the underlying issue is that sometimes in circumstances of extreme emotion or growth, we don’t know if we’re treating ourselves like our enemy, friend, or if we’re just critiquing our own actions.

I believe that’s the best part about the phrase, “Treat yourself like your own best friend.” You would congratulate them, celebrate them, but also hold them accountable and responsible, because you want them to grow, dream, and be healthy both physically and mentally. You want them to live on because you love them.

Loving yourself isn’t easy, nor is it dreamlike. Loving yourself is taking a shower in the morning, despite wanting to stay in bed all day. It’s taking yourself through your failures: accepting them, learning from them, and aiming to win. Love is it’s own complex element, so complex that it can’t be good nor bad, happy nor sad, imaginative or fact. When I first started Living By Bella, I commonly said that “love is a journey.” And it truly is.

Loving Others:

Love was always performative. You were meant to be adored, drowned in gifts and compliments, and coddled as though you were perfect: not just a perfect person, but perfect enough for another.

There are 5 love languages, according to Gary Chapman: gift giving, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, and quality time. Each person varies in showing and receiving love. Although I show my love through physical touch and quality time, I feel loved through words of affirmation and gifts.

Since love is formed through connection, it’s representation changes between romantic and platonic relationships. I show my brother love through quality time and words of affirmation, but to my boyfriend I express physical touch, and feel loved through boyfriends by words of affirmation.

Loving others requires both selflessness and selfishness. In the Bible, Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” To form such a connection requires the thought of another person not only as a friend, sibling, parent, or a lover, but as their own being, who has needs, wants, desires, and dreams. When you truly love someone, especially a romantic partner, you become one in the sense that you consider their feelings, thoughts, goals, and want the best for them, the same you’d want for yourself, despite your selfish desires. But the connection of love dwells so deep that constant reassurance, attention, and close proximity isn’t needed. The love is already established.

You don’t need to love yourself to love someone else, but you should love yourself, because what powerful of a connection you can create with yourself. We were born into bodies and beings that were created before we consciously realized it, therefore there is always more to learn and grow within. It is better for us to love ourselves, understand our love languages, and use those structures to love others even deeper.

Add More Love to Your Life:

Express it. And know you can receive it. Love is always circling, it is in actions big and small, coming from varying sources. Love is a butterfly landing on your finger, soaking in your presence of calmness, and it’s your friend giving you a hand, when you don’t even realize you need it. Love is in grief. It is in creation. It evolves and it moves through its energetic ways, so to add more love to your life, you have to simply see it. Love is visible in your actions and words, both to yourself and others.

Love is safety. It’s the comfort of knowing you exist beyond yourself, are connected to those around you, and are capable of caring for you and another, without fear or judgement.

Love is love.

“It is essential to understand that the loss of ambition is a natural part of the journey. Rather than viewing it as a setback, we see it as an opportunity for redirection and growth.”

When I first began our advice column a few years ago, I received heartwarming messages that emphasized the importance of communication, clarity, and being a helping hand when people need support. However, in 2021, as I faced personal challenges, including temporary homelessness due to a house fire shortly before preparing for college, Living By Bella began to drift away from its original purpose. It became overly focused on monetization, and I lost sight of why I started this venture in the first place – to empower young women like myself, fostering their mental health, wellness, and personal growth through shared knowledge and inspiration.

Sadly, my ambition waned. The daily motivation and excitement that once fueled me became more dream-like, like a faint idea that I could reach out to but couldn’t touch. For months, I struggled with writer’s block until a heartbreak pushed me to pour my emotions onto paper, yet even then, something felt wrong. So, I made the decision to take a hiatus, giving myself time to reflect and informing my supporters of this temporary pause. So Today, I share with you the new and revitalized Living By Bella – a free newsletter and magazine that extends beyond its traditional boundaries. Our aim remains to provide unwavering support, inspiration, and tools for young women to nurture their mental well-being, develop their own unique ideas, and shape their personal philosophies. It is essential to understand that the loss of ambition is a natural part of the journey. Rather than viewing it as a setback, we see it as an opportunity for redirection and growth. So, welcome to the refreshed Living By Bella, where our newsletter and magazine will serve as a cornerstone of empowerment. However, there’s much more to come, and we can’t wait to share it with you in the near future.