I’ve spent most of my life overanalyzing.
Asking “why” like it was a prayer… or a curse.
Every problem, every situation, every event had to have a search for reason. Why did this happen? Why do I feel like this? Why can’t I let it go? And every “why” just led to more questions. More spirals. More noise.
Then I read this line from Etel Adnan’s “Mount Tamalpais”:
“The night freed us from our obsession with reason.”
To call my life an obsession stopped me in my tracks. We’re always encouraged to pursue our curiosity, we’re always told to keep asking why in the pursuit of reason or emotion. And it remains encouraged. Curiosity is the root of fruition.
But then it turns into obsession. Trying to reason my way into peace. Into healing. Into control.
For years, I treated healing like a riddle to be solved. As if peace would come if I just figured it out. As if love and pain have words to perfectly describe it, and when I found those words, I’d finally have it all. Just one more breakthrough, one more page in my journal, one more late-night analysis of someone’s tone or timing.
As if reason would free me from the weight of being human.
Some things are meant to be experienced.
Some pain isn’t meant to be solved. Some beauty isn’t meant to be explained.
Some healing isn’t logical. It’s *felt*. It’s lived. It’s breathed.
So now marks a point in my life where I surrender to mystery, not confusion.
To being alive without always needing to know why. 🥂
What are you still trying to understand that might just want to be felt?
