“Hi!! My name is Emma and I was in a relationship with someone my senior year of high school and we did not date but we were exclusive to each other and we knew we were never gonna be together after prom because he was going to the army and I was moving to Florida for college, the way he ended things was very bad. He texted me how it’s going to hurt him more if we keep talking the way we do and I always had resentment for him after that. it’s been seven months since we spoken and I’m done with college for my first year and he is back home for break until he goes to Alaska and we are from New York. he texted me to hang out before he left and we hung out and it was good, but I just felt like I still have feelings, but I always buried them inside and I feel like he does not feel the same way. i’m confused on why he wanted to hang out all we did was talk and watch a movie and kiss no sex. when we say goodbye to each other, he said I hope we see each other in the future and I don’t know how to feel about that and I was very sad and I’m also very confused because we were never sexually intimate while we were together in high school and he said it’s because he knew he was gonna get attached but I feel like it’s a lie as well. I’m just mixed with a lot of emotions right now. I don’t know how to feel. after we hung out, we haven’t spoken since.”
Hi Emma! You were in a relationship-that-wasn’t-a-relationship-but-totally-was. Exclusive, emotionally deep, and headed for an expiration date you both saw coming, but unfortunately didn’t make the fall any softer. The problem with “we both knew it was ending” is that knowing something doesn’t mean your heart was prepared for it.
Then he ended things with a classic “this hurts me more than it hurts you” breakup text. Translation? “I’m overwhelmed and don’t want to deal with this, so I’m making myself the victim so you don’t question it.” You had every right to hold resentment. He didn’t give you closure, he gave you a riddle.
Fast forward seven months. You just finished your first year of college (congrats by the way!), you’re back home, and he pops up again. You hang out, and suddenly all those buried feelings come crawling back out of their emotional grave. That’s normal. When something ends in a haze of almosts, your heart holds onto the “what if.” Then he kisses you, tosses out a vague “hope we see each other again,” and fades back into the distance.
You asked why you still care. I’ll tell you why. You didn’t just like him, you saw the potential of what could’ve been. The version of him that cared, the one who said he’d get attached if you slept together. And maybe that was true. Maybe he was scared. Maybe he would get super attached. But scared people don’t get to keep you half-loved while they figure it out.
He reopened the wound, poked around, and left again. And now you’re left wondering what it meant and why it still hurts. But this isn’t just about him. This is about you. About the version of you who cared for him. Who hoped it would be different. Who still remembers how close it almost came to being something more. You’re not confused, you’re grieving, and you’re grieving the potential of what could’ve been, alongside the version of you that wanted more. And here’s where you are in that process: you’ve passed denial because you know he’s not coming back in any real way. You’re between sadness and acceptance, with a little bargaining mixed in. That little voice that says “maybe if he reached out again, it would feel different this time.” That’s not love. That’s grief trying to rewrite the ending.
So here’s an action plan for you. Feel free to take and leave what feels best, because there will be someone who doesn’t need to pull and push at your feelings to make you feel something.
First, identify what you hoped for. Not just from him, but from that whole chapter. What did you want to feel? Safe? Chosen? Desired? All of the above? Write it down. That’s your real desire hiding underneath your feelings, not him. Second, replace him. Every time he crosses your mind, do one thing, however small, that brings you back to you. Text a friend. Get fresh air. Add a song to your playlist. Work on your Pinterest board. Show your nervous system something new is coming.
Third, build closure through behavior. Unfollow if it helps. And don’t give meaning to crumbs. As a born over-thinker, I understand giving every word, text, and picture meaning. But we have to come back to this: if he wanted to be in your life, he’d be here. Let that be enough. And finally, declare the lesson. Not “he was a mistake,” but “this showed me what I need in love moving forward.” Because it did.
Love, Bella
P.S. You weren’t too much. He was too unequipped. There’s a difference, and it matters.
