I know you’ve done it.
Stalked the ex’s new girlfriend. Enviously clicked through that LinkedIn post from the student who got the internship you just got rejected for. Blasted an angry song pretending it’s not about the person from your hometown who somehow still gets under your skin. Warranted or not, these “evil” feelings we swear we’ve evolved past, from jealousy to anger, envy, and ego, are lurking.
You’ll meditate, manifest, journal your “five things I’m grateful for,” and still spiral when someone else posts their “big news.” You’ll tell yourself you’re above comparison while simultaneously zooming in on her hair, her ring, her highlight reel. And the worst part? You’ll feel guilty for feeling it.
But maybe those “bad” feelings aren’t bad at all.
Maybe they’re just trying to talk to you.
Jealousy isn’t evil: it’s intel.
We’ve been taught that jealousy makes us small. That it’s immature, unhealed, and embarrassing. But when you strip away the shame, jealousy is simply an indicator of your desire.
The secret?: You don’t get jealous of things that aren’t connected to you. I’d never be jealous of Olympic swimmers or brain surgeons or people who enjoy camping. Those things just don’t cater to me.
But it does flare up when something hits a littleeee too close to home. Because often it’s potential dressed up in irritation.
That girl’s success story didn’t ruin your mood. It reminded you of your standard. Your passion. Your remembrance of what ease felt like. What it feels like to receive things, good things, just because. What it feels like to dream without doubt. You’re not mad that she has it. You’re mad that you convinced yourself you couldn’t, or even worse, shouldn’t.
How TF do I fix this?
Trace it. Follow jealousy like a clue. What does their win make you feel is missing? Why don’t you believe you deserve it? What, along the way, stopped you from thinking you could do it or have it too?
Rage isn’t chaos: it’s boundary.
Then there’s rage. The emotion that makes you want to throw your phone, your relationship, your entire life into the ocean. But underneath all of that, it makes you feel like a villain with a tumultuous backstory.
But rage is also your body’s secret way of delivering the message: “I’ve been quiet for far too long.”
What happens when you ignore your anger? You smile through disrespect. You spiritualize abuse. You mistake people-pleasing for peace.
When you truly feel your rage, and I mean feel it, your range for comfortability goes out the window. Not only are you letting yourself be upset, but you’re showing the wall you hit, the pillow you threw, and most importantly yourself, what is truly bothering you. And underneath that wound where it bothers you, you find where your boundaries lie.
Your flaws are your flavor.
We spend so much time trying to be the “good” girls who are balanced, quiet, likable, detached, unbothered. But who cares? Girls that make change aren’t neutral, they live on full volume.
Your quirks, contradictions, 0-to-100 personality, intensity, dramatics, weird obsessions, and crazy opinions all encompass you and your authenticity.
The myth that healing means becoming gentle, saintlike, and void of any sharp edge is a lie. Sometimes healing means letting yourself be loud again. To talk with your hands. To roll your eyes. To be petty in your notes app for a minute before returning to grace. Being a good person doesn’t mean being a quiet one.
The Hidden Messages:
Jealousy → Desire
Rage → Boundaries
Ego → Vision
Pettiness → Precision
Control → Care
Jealousy teaches discernment. Rage teaches self-respect. Even your pride taught you to stop begging for the basics. The problem isn’t the feeling, it’s the shame we attach to having it.
Embracing your bad qualities means finally seeing them as part of your design, sometimes looking like crying, scrolling, and cussing. Because that makes us whole.
