“I’m on talking to terms with my ex of 2 years. We started snapping again and hung out once. I feel like I’ve moved on since I moved after our breakup but now that I’m back home and snapping him I feel a little upset that he does not see me more than just a friend. He is talking to other girls but I’m so confused on why he wants to text me if he’s talking to other girls, and I’m letting him ruin my peace by wondering what, if, or who is he hanging out with. What should I do? Not text him anymore ? Thank u so much!”
–Ashley
Hi Ashley!
Back to the exes. A page that has been re-written in my book plenty of times. I’ve definitely caught a case of the BHBs (Back Home Blues), so you’re not alone. That hometown energy has a way of pulling ghosts out of the closet and making you question if they ever really left in the first place.
Here’s what stands out: two years. Too recent to start over, and too long to be stuck on the small details of the breakup. It’s huge that you felt like you moved on, especially if the breakup wasn’t easy. But I gotta ask: who reached out first?
Because when exes come sniffing around after you’ve healed, it’s rarely out of love. The healing process for many guys includes fun first, healing second, and it tends to be the opposite for us girls. I mention this because if he reached out first, it was likely based on ego (using the 2 years for reference). This comes into play when they want to see if they still have access to you, or if you’re willing to go as far as trying again. If you reached out first, (and I love you so don’t hate me), it’s possible you weren’t as over him as you thought. That’s more than okay. But let’s be honest with ourselves about what this really is, because honesty will take us into what I’m about to say next: Him just seeing you as a friend.
It’s completely valid to feel a little upset that he’s only seeing you as a friend. You were an important part of his life, and him sliding back in can stir up a lot: old feelings, questions, even hope. But now is the time to ask yourself what you actually want.
Do you want, truly, to be more than friends with him, or is this a sting from the Back-Home-Blues? Would it vanish if you met someone new who had everything he had and more? Then this might be a case of the BHBs and temporary nostalgia. Or, would it go away if he wasn’t talking to other girls? Then maybe it’s not about him… it’s about the feeling of being replaced. But if none of that would change how you feel, even if circumstances were different, or you even reached out first… then maybe you still have real feelings for him.
Again, I ask these questions to address the core issue. You are beautiful, obviously smart, and more than emotionally capable enough to get over him comfortably if you fall out (because you already did). Getting clear on what you want also helps understand why you’re truly upset he’s talking to other girls, especially if exclusivity wasn’t promised. You deserve someone who doesn’t make you feel like you’re in a relay race giving the baton to the next girl and *hoping* she runs back to you. If you truly want something with your ex, this race shouldn’t exist at all.
And lastly, the final words: “I’m letting him ruin my peace.” You know it, I know it. You moved on from him, and you’re now in the weird 2-year-zone post breakup. If during the snapping stage you feel that your peace, the peace you worked for and fought for no matter how much you missed him, is now being affected, then hear this: no person or circumstance should cost your peace. If snapping with someone you once cared for has you questioning your worth, he’s not offering friendship, he’s offering confusion. Especially an ex. Especially someone you already got over. Especially someone you’re feeling for only because of Back Home Blues. Especially just to feel chosen.
So no Ashley, you don’t have to ghost him or make it dramatic. You just need to choose you again. You can be kind, cordial, even chill, but detached. Because you’re not just anyone. You’re not a maybe. You’re not a relay race runner standing in the cold while he’s swinging his baton between you and other girls. You can remind yourself that your feelings got involved in something that was never meant to be this serious again. And it’s okay, it happens. But now it’s time to protect the peace you earned. That post-breakup peace is sacred. Don’t gamble it for comfort or curiosity. Exes alwayssss want to “remain friends” or “remain in contact.” But if he wasn’t married to you or you don’t have kids by him, then all those words simply mean is “remain in access.” And Ashley, you deserve way better. And way hotter. So feel free to cut him off, because it’s clear you’re not looking for a friendship. You’re looking for peace.
Love,
Bella 🤍
